I've always wanted to freeze time. Have control over any hasty blink. Be able to see every underneath depth of every surface worth remembering. It is verily a regretful loss. I can only hope I had rewarded all of my senses a bit more time to absorb and lock much as it can- while it still could. My conscience keeps on hovering my thoughts. It pushes me to dilatorily realize that missing a nanosecond of any of my daily cursory sights would be one of my life's great losses- perhaps even the greatest. And to top off this unforgiving sundae of pure despondency, there is nothing more I could do to get those back. I wish I had considered every single glance of even the blurriest of these facades a second and deeper look. But a lost time is as good as a lost breath. Second breaths are never the same. It keeps us alive, but never guarantees complete relief. Though, who says preceding breaths can't be better? I know I didn't.
As living creatures with needs, when human nature creeps in, voluntarily or against our will, instincts get the best of us.
I have written lots of rejects these past couple of days. I couldn't pull anything in me that would make myself want to share this ridiculously shameful relapses I'm having. I feel so bad exposing this. I feel so weak. I know I'm not making any sense right now. But I'm trying my very best to scrape even the thinnest layer of hope that I have to continue moving on. This post may seem quite vague and pointless. But let me tell you.. This is the closest I've been to progress. Like what I said, in a more conforming term, I had a relapse. And currently just getting back up my callused feet again. Don't you worry! I'll be posting more often and release some of this auspicious aura one painful layer at a time.
