Why?

Missing a loved one (current or former, which ever fits you) is the most grusome among all tortures in life- combined. I just couldn't think of anything more intolerable. Yeah I can take a few punches here and there. But this? Fuck no. This made me realize the benefits of euthanasia. It's when death suddenly becomes a logical option. It's the only solution in putting an end to egregious pain. In the end, what seemed to be inhumane before, instantly turns into an antidote to undying suffering.

How often do you cry? Do you even cry at all? If you haven't, I pity you yet I envy you at the same time. I feel sorry for you for the fact that you will sob a couple of times eventually, whether you dodge it all your life, trust me, you will. And when the dreaded time comes and you do finally tear up, you'd say that Rose was dead on correct. I envy you. Because you'd still live as if you will never be touched, never feel pain. You will still live life fully. Without caution, without looking back. It is a dangerous life to live but it sure as hell one of the happiest times you'll ever be. Well just for now I guess..

I miss him. Not constantly.. But all the friggin time. The very drop of every tear. Every strike of pain. I'd be more than glad to endure just to get a glimpse of his face, hear his laugh, feel his touch.

Why can't I make that first step? Why the hell can't I escape? Why do I still cry myself to sleep? Why am I this fucking naive? Why do I, despite EVERYTHING, still love him with every ounce of my everything?