You Too

How are you all doing? I bet it took you a couple of seconds to contemplate and meditate with extreme precision to answer that. As for me, I am happy to inform all of you random somebody's that I have successfully maintained my perpetual insanity yet surviving existence. It verily has been quite a while. Though to tell you the complete and utter truth, as heartbreaking as it already has been, not a single microscopic thing has changed. All I could still see is the same empty and hallow reflection I've been seeing these past few months. Okay. I know, I know.. Back to fucking square one all over again. Yeah yeah. I see a lot of unprimed bushy eyebrows raising just about now. I could only imagine how easy it is to judge on the other side of screen.. ...... StrangerNumberOne announcing to his whole entire hypothetical world that there is this desperate romance-junkie that keeps on wasting her already worthless time, spreading her pitiful germs to the rest of this perfectly imperfect universe. This idiot exudes nothing more but the epitome of both absurdity and stupidity. Now that's harsh, wouldn't you agree? Waaaaay harsh. Even too harsh for a dead ice-cold zombie you know. Couldn't you go easy on me just this one time, harsh harsh world? Could you?

So okay. I know I am the one who persistently and morbidly has been too hard on myself. But I really am trying. Trying and not settling okay? So please, enough malicious assumptions okay? I am on the verge of jumping over the cliff of you-know-what. And that you-know-what isn't what you're thinking you perv. So basically what I'm attempting to blurt out is... I'm not running anymore. I'm now letting go. I'm letting myself go. No vindictive strategies or what so ever. A squeaky clean slate of pure hope but with a tini-tiny dash of much needed sarcasm.

Proud of me? I can only hope you are.

There has never been a single slow roasting day that has passed that you didn't cross my mind. It's like my brain is on slomo rewind and is stuck there. Unseemingly doing its own thing, functioning as if it is not capable of doing anything else but just that. Live and dwell in the past and stay there, sitting more comfortably thinking that it is in its bearer's womb. But you know what makes it more disturbing than what it already is? I like every gloating bit of it. It feels right, something forevermore feels familiar and safe. Both the missing part and the part that makes me whole. Now I better end this in a short and a not so sweet tone before I get the chance to stop myself yet AGAIN to post this.

I just miss you okay. I always have and trust me, I forever will.