Guess WHAT?

You think you're having a bad day? Well.. I'd be more than happy to inform you that there's a person out there-- someone, somehow, somewhere-- having the worst time known to man. So hey, it is still one thing to celebrate about, right?


Through these past couple of weeks-- this persistent abyss of nonstop bitching and tears-- you would think that sooner or later, God will eventually give you a break and tell you that everything would finally come to an end. Yes, I am fully aware. I have no right to complain-- not even the slightest bit. I made all the shitty choices myself. I knew each and every consequence of my every step. I am most definitely the only person to blame. Now.. Do these make things hurt any less? Hell no. If not as painful-- even more.

I am a living proof to my own saying: "When you truly love someone, -- a love that is absolutely life-consuming and undeniably unconditional-- ..that you can never hate a single cell in him/her". Yes people. Sad, but it is true. No matter how hard we try, how hard we attempt to expose our pretentious grins, how much blood we lose from pretending that we do, let us all suck it up and face fucking reality. We do not hate them, we cannot, and we never will.


Now.. Why the hell do bad experiences, hands down, always out do the good? That even when there's a GAZZILLION  good things to be ecstatic about and there's this one microscopic bad-- namely jealousy, anger and insecurity--guess what--  they just win every single time. How can such stupid things destroy such great things? Oh yeah.. Teka. We never had those. No infidelities, lies, even the most minimal of betrayals-- totally zilch, nada, none. So what the hell went wrong? Yep.. I know. We both know. OUR FUCKING STUPID SELVES.


Loving is a privilege. I cannot put into words how grateful I am that now, FINALLY,  I can say that I loved. Hell yeah- loved and felt loved. Even when he doesn't or didn't think so, I knew that deep inside he really did--  he does. I can put my life on the line and testify-- that somewhere in that crowded heart of his-- I had made a tini-tiny dent that hopefully is enough that maybe someday he'll be able to notice.

Like what I said, I do not hate you. I cannot and never will. Thank you for bringing out this side of me-- you made me find out that I had this much love to give-- you taught me that I am capable of loving this much, this real.. Whatever moronic ideas incompetent people would get, we both know-- despite all your bullshits-- we know that what we had was the real thing.

I love you everyday. And now, all I can do is miss you eveyday..

http://www.formspring.me/roseydiola
http://twitter.com/#!/hungryrosey

White Flag

I fell. I fell hard and rough.
I dropped onto the ground with great intensity
There were neither warnings nor signs.
My heart was exposed up to its last veins.
I was caught bare and helpless.
Guilty of weakness and vulnerability


I cried. I cried each time I pictured your smile.
It was almost unbearable.
I was on the edge of losing it.
Crying was the only way I could somehow ease the pain.
Pain that still even with its tiresome trials,
I still stupidly held on.


I waited. I waited for these feelings to go away.
They kept on pulling me, pulling me toward the other end.
Another side which was all bright lights and colors
A very mysterious yet tempting endeavor
Though resisting it wasn’t even a challenge
It was evident that no seduction would ever be strong enough to succeed


I tried. I tried more than my best to make you realize all of these; all of me
Your eyes were closed shut, your ears sealed
It always were, and I believe it always will be
What you could only see was the one right in front of you
The one pretending; the one enduring
You couldn’t see the frowns beneath each smile; the mourn of each laugh


I loved. I loved even if I didn’t know how.
There were neither manuals nor directions to follow
There was no turning back; no second chances.
I didn’t have a clue of what I was getting myself into.
I was not warned of how deeply I could fall
I was addicted to the pain, great pain that was equal to great love.


I surrender. I surrender not in defeat but for salvation
This will save us, save this love from extinction
I know it won’t, it couldn’t
I guess I just loved too much.
Too much than what you needed, less than what I was supposed to.
I raise this white flag not with a goodbye, but with an I love you.


by Rose Diola

Who the HELL am I?

I am me.
Quite antagonized by many.
But is definitely blessed with a bigger ass kicking army that has always got my back.
This team had never failed to literally turn my frown upside down.
This ally swallowed my whole being up to my thorns and twigs without judgement nor complain.
A comrade that made my oh-so complicated life become a piece of an oreo friggin' cheesecake.

I eat. I eat a damn LOT.
Just hearing the words Mexicali Nachos make me drool.
A slice of pizza here and there wouldn't hurt.
And have I mention a butterfinger is the key to world peace?
In summary of this never ending list, as long as it's good.. you can count this hog in!

I am far from perfect. way waaay far.
I may not speak the truth 24 hours a day, but I make sure I spend each second of my time doing the right thing.
Being an angel is not on my list,
But you can guarantee I could kill demons!
And I am surely ain't no saint,
Well atleast not yet.. :)

I am fun. I always have fun.
I think smiling and laughing are simply the best gift a person could easily give as well as receive.
I believe crying helps.
It lets out things that a heart could not bare.
It also serves as an after shock after every major emotion,
after being majorly sad or even happy.

I write.
I draw.
I cook.
I play chess.
I do great in Math.
I can shoot a basketball without much effort.
I could hussle playing cards my way out of college if I wanted to.
I used to eat, drink and breathe computer games.
I may not be amazing with any of these things,
things that I know I will never get tired of doing,
but I'm sure I genuinely give my all, my heart.
I want to do more, do better, be at my best.


Life is never fair.
It never was. And it never will be.
Just think of it this way.
Fairness is plain.. B O R I N G.

P.S.
If you read this, admit it. You do give a damn. Hah! For that, I love you..

Stop the hating and do some loving mother effs!

- Rose


http://www.formspring.me/roseydiola
http://twitter.com/#!/hungryrosey