I have made a fistful of "mistakes" in my infamous 19 years. A couple of f-ed up ones awake and dead. Some that no one couldn't translate into anything else but stupidity. But the most awfully moronic among them all are caused by the biggest fugitive that is the root of all female related evil-- estrogen.
Do you ever wonder how these so called "oopsies" impact others? How our everyday decisions contribute to either a benefit or damage to another human being? Another breathing, thinking rational living thing. I for one rather not know. It's hard enough to think about how to deal with current dreadful shortcomings. Adding something to be guilty about is out of the question. You may say that it's okay to condescend once in awhile. But this is just too much for an "on the edge" 19 year old lassie to handle.
In a way, minimal or major, we are all fugitives. Guilty of hurting others (intentionally or not). That's just how things work. Based on a single day's realisation. I have come to this groundbreaking conclusion: When cards are folded, and we ran out of chips to play, majority of us choose to fleet. Dash away as fast as we could-- as if we'll never reach anything. We'd run away from the blame-- from sharing the pain. We can deny it as much as we want. That's what we are. Agile vagabonds who are most scared of nonetheless, ourselves.
To us who are left behind.
A stranger (literally) just told me (approximately a couple of hours ago) that this would make me a better person. Well for one right this second, I don't feel any nearer to a better me. But hey, it's worth giving a try. (And it's like I have any other choice) I opt to be my own catalyst. Start a movement towards moving on. Now all I have to do is wait. Pause and abide for someone who will accompany me through this current bullshit phase. Someone insane who'll make me believe in love again. Some demented dude who will go "all in" not in games, but just for crazy old me :)
