The world is an endless void of harsh, ugly and dire corners that lures you in like a gold mine. The human race, racing through life for survival. And as you may have seen from countless zombie-apocalyptic movies, when human beings thrive desperately to stay alive, things get pretty ugly.
I have been bullied and the bully at one point in my life. And to be completely honest, being the bully was much worse. I felt exceedingly awful I could have thrown up my organs. Bullying is a contagious disease. It is a sneaky little criminal that will slither its way into your heart and turn it into a hollow, black chunk of muscle. It will cloud your thoughts, empower you with a false, negative energy that will consume every living cell in your body. With my experience, I was bullied quite early. I was ganged up on pettily by older cousins, to the point I would constantly have tears in my eyes and anger in my immature heart. That would then on evolve into my unfair advance toward my other vulnerable younger cousins. I had friends who I poured my heart out to for comfort, but turned out to be the very ones who, behind my back, break it. Repeatedly. I had older school mates, bully me for the reason of, "We just don't like you.". I mean, some would ask, "Does that really happen?". Well it is the unfortunate, sad truth.
Short Story:
It was recess and the "older" school mates suddenly appear outside my classroom looking for me, and asked if I would write in their slambook. I was definitely shocked and had this sudden, uncomfortably tight knot in the pit of my stomach. Before they went on to leave and hand me the slambook, my best friend was already beside them, trying to snatch the said book away. She did not succeed and as confused as I was, the book ended up in my hands with their instruction to turn it to a page. It was my best friend's entry, the dedication containing, well let's just say, not so nice things about me and a couple of sentences explaining that she was on their side. As I had dropped the book that fell on the floor, so did my heart.
The end. Or should I say, "The Beginning"?
Now you see, as hurt as I was then, now I can see clearly that my best friend just simply got the bully virus. And that she was a victim too. And so might have been those other girls. As a young girl, you wouldn't know why or how these things are happening. All I could do was react and adapt. It made me dodgy and indifferent. I had an over reacted defense mechanism. Whenever I felt threatened, I would quickly hide inside my titanium cave, my heavy ammunitions in hand. I felt I was in a war. A war with my own struggling self. I had this bitter taste in my mouth that no amount of candy will ever neutralize. I was young, confused and helpless. It was an unsightly cycle that I couldn't get out of. To add a cherry top of this terrifying-abominable-life-sundae, I was constantly drowning in other darker problems that no human should ever, ever go through. Up to this day, I still get nightmares about that unspeakable event of my life. It is an issue that is unforgivable. I just don't have the strength to say it out loud. Maybe I will never be able to. But at the same time, in a way, it made me stronger. A part of me didn't want to be victim anymore. Though I had to face these all on my own. The fact that I was waking up everyday, breathing and curious. Got me thinking, "Hey, silly, you have to get up."
I had to give myself a chance. I had to save myself. Bullying is a crime we are all guilty of committing. Sometimes, without even knowing it. Whether you are the doer, receiver or juggling both roles. You are not alone. And that it is okay. Life is unfair in so many ways, we do not even have to bother counting. Bullying is only a tiny dent compared to a world that is slowly killing itself. The constant thing we are privileged to have is change. To choose to have a clean slate each time we make a mistake. That hate is out there and growing, but know that love is much stronger and unyielding. We will always and forever have a choice. We can always choose to make things better, do better, BE better.
Hungry for change,
Rosey
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Short Story:
It was recess and the "older" school mates suddenly appear outside my classroom looking for me, and asked if I would write in their slambook. I was definitely shocked and had this sudden, uncomfortably tight knot in the pit of my stomach. Before they went on to leave and hand me the slambook, my best friend was already beside them, trying to snatch the said book away. She did not succeed and as confused as I was, the book ended up in my hands with their instruction to turn it to a page. It was my best friend's entry, the dedication containing, well let's just say, not so nice things about me and a couple of sentences explaining that she was on their side. As I had dropped the book that fell on the floor, so did my heart.
The end. Or should I say, "The Beginning"?
Now you see, as hurt as I was then, now I can see clearly that my best friend just simply got the bully virus. And that she was a victim too. And so might have been those other girls. As a young girl, you wouldn't know why or how these things are happening. All I could do was react and adapt. It made me dodgy and indifferent. I had an over reacted defense mechanism. Whenever I felt threatened, I would quickly hide inside my titanium cave, my heavy ammunitions in hand. I felt I was in a war. A war with my own struggling self. I had this bitter taste in my mouth that no amount of candy will ever neutralize. I was young, confused and helpless. It was an unsightly cycle that I couldn't get out of. To add a cherry top of this terrifying-abominable-life-sundae, I was constantly drowning in other darker problems that no human should ever, ever go through. Up to this day, I still get nightmares about that unspeakable event of my life. It is an issue that is unforgivable. I just don't have the strength to say it out loud. Maybe I will never be able to. But at the same time, in a way, it made me stronger. A part of me didn't want to be victim anymore. Though I had to face these all on my own. The fact that I was waking up everyday, breathing and curious. Got me thinking, "Hey, silly, you have to get up."
I had to give myself a chance. I had to save myself. Bullying is a crime we are all guilty of committing. Sometimes, without even knowing it. Whether you are the doer, receiver or juggling both roles. You are not alone. And that it is okay. Life is unfair in so many ways, we do not even have to bother counting. Bullying is only a tiny dent compared to a world that is slowly killing itself. The constant thing we are privileged to have is change. To choose to have a clean slate each time we make a mistake. That hate is out there and growing, but know that love is much stronger and unyielding. We will always and forever have a choice. We can always choose to make things better, do better, BE better.
Hungry for change,
Rosey
YOUTUBE
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