The Hungry Diaries

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

YOUTUBE Conundrums

Hey there. It's Rosey. Stuck yet again in a seemingly familiar corner of this virtual universe. I have this dilemma. It has been over my shoulders for quite some time, constantly breathing down my neck. Heavy, bother-troublesome. And it is starting to itch. Scratching not just the surface but piercing through my core. The kind that you just cannot ignore.

Ah the Youtube. Such a gift to the human society. Its content extends to lengths no one can ever measure nor define. Whatever it is that you are in need for, desperately life-threatening or during a casual, nonchalant "internet stroll", you can guarantee to find it there. In a simple 30 second gist, or a lengthy and complex hour version. I love Youtube! I mean who wouldn't? I go there every single day. (make-up, baking/sugar flower making, aliens, vlogs, foodporn, cute puppies, grocery hauls, exotic snacks, history, art, science, just plain "did you know" facts) Ahhhh I could go on and on. It is so condensed and dynamic, you can literally spend months making your way through this labyrinthine network of everything in this planet. It entertaining, educational, therapeutic AND can be one's source of income. What else can you ask for?

Now. I have been creating a few videos, on and off for quite a while now. My content is mainly my baking/food and a few attempted "vlogs". I could proudly say that I have genuinely worked hard on these. Though I guess not hard enough. I keep losing my mojo and motivation. Making them, not trusting myself enough, disappointments, frustrations. The same old the ugly cycle. I do have to say that what I have gotten from making videos is, I have fallen in love with it. My videos are not artistic nor professionally shot. I use my humble Sony RX100 III. I don't see myself doing this full-time, as I am committed into making my baby Rosey Cakes a priority. But the times when I watch some of my videos, and then smile and say, "Hey, that's actually not pretty bad." and "Ahhh, that is so much better than the last one!". These are the moments that give me the same feeling of fulfillment everytime I finish a sugar flower or a painting. It pushes me to continue and work harder. To make this as part of my life.

So now I challenge myself. To do better. Put more "me" inside. And don't think about the money, failure, hate comments etc. I have to start somewhere. And that somewhere is now.

Rebooting and hungry,

Rosey

PS.

I shall take one month to reboot my Youtube channel. Put more of what I love in it! Wish me luck and stay tuned!

Thursday, October 20, 2016

To you, the bully, the bullied. And to you, who have been both.

The world is an endless void of harsh, ugly and dire corners that lures you in like a gold mine. The human race, racing through life for survival. And as you may have seen from countless zombie-apocalyptic movies, when human beings thrive desperately to stay alive, things get pretty ugly.

I have been bullied and the bully at one point in my life. And to be completely honest, being the bully was much worse. I felt exceedingly awful I could have thrown up my organs. Bullying is a contagious disease. It is a sneaky little criminal that will slither its way into your heart and turn it into a hollow, black chunk of muscle. It will cloud your thoughts, empower you with a false, negative energy that will consume every living cell in your body. With my experience, I was bullied quite early. I was ganged up on pettily by older cousins, to the point I would constantly have tears in my eyes and anger in my immature heart. That would then on evolve into my unfair advance toward my other vulnerable younger cousins. I had friends who I poured my heart out to for comfort, but turned out to be the very ones who, behind my back, break it. Repeatedly. I had older school mates, bully me for the reason of, "We just don't like you.". I mean, some would ask, "Does that really happen?". Well it is the unfortunate, sad truth.

Short Story:

It was recess and the "older" school mates suddenly appear outside my classroom looking for me, and asked if I would write in their slambook. I was definitely shocked and had this sudden, uncomfortably tight knot in the pit of my stomach. Before they went on to leave and hand me the slambook, my best friend was already beside them, trying to snatch the said book away. She did not succeed and as confused as I was, the book ended up in my hands with their instruction to turn it to a page. It was my best friend's entry, the dedication containing, well let's just say, not so nice things about me and a couple of sentences explaining that she was on their side. As I had dropped the book that fell on the floor, so did my heart.

The end. Or should I say, "The Beginning"?

Now you see, as hurt as I was then, now I can see clearly that my best friend just simply got the bully virus. And that she was a victim too. And so might have been those other girls. As a young girl, you wouldn't know why or how these things are happening. All I could do was react and adapt. It made me dodgy and indifferent. I had an over reacted defense mechanism. Whenever I felt threatened, I would quickly hide inside my titanium cave, my heavy ammunitions in hand. I felt I was in a war. A war with my own struggling self. I had this bitter taste in my mouth that no amount of candy will ever neutralize. I was young, confused and helpless. It was an unsightly cycle that I couldn't get out of. To add a cherry top of this terrifying-abominable-life-sundae, I was constantly drowning in other darker problems that no human should ever, ever go through. Up to this day, I still get nightmares about that unspeakable event of my life. It is an issue that is unforgivable. I just don't have the strength to say it out loud. Maybe I will never be able to. But at the same time, in a way, it made me stronger. A part of me didn't want to be victim anymore. Though I had to face these all on my own. The fact that I was waking up everyday, breathing and curious. Got me thinking, "Hey, silly, you have to get up."

I had to give myself a chance. I had to save myself. Bullying is a crime we are all guilty of committing. Sometimes, without even knowing it. Whether you are the doer, receiver or juggling both roles. You are not alone. And that it is okay. Life is unfair in so many ways, we do not even have to bother counting. Bullying is only a tiny dent compared to a world that is slowly killing itself. The constant thing we are privileged to have is change. To choose to have a clean slate each time we make a mistake. That hate is out there and growing, but know that love is much stronger and unyielding. We will always and forever have a choice. We can always choose to make things better, do better, BE better.

Hungry for change,

Rosey

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Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Strawberry Shortcake (SUGAR SORCERY # 9)

Ahhh.. The Strawberry Shortcake. The only thing that this dessert is short of is its supply. You know what I mean when you are down to the last unfortunate bite of this classic dessert. Sad times..

It has taken over multiple countries by a tumultuous storm. Japan for one, just to my fickle liking, our Japanese cake-making friends has transformed this delite into its light, airy, not-so-sweet and fresh form. It is unpretentious. The delicateness of the sponge and cream balances the tangy kick of a beautifully ripe crimson strawberry. Now in history, the cake lovers of the past has made cakes "short" by adding shortening (fat in forms of lard, butter, vegetable oils etc.). And from the magic of culinary science, the fat in food, particularly in baked goods such as breads and cakes, impedes the formation of gluten. Fat actually performs multiple functions, such as "shortening" or tenderizing (making baked good more crumbly), leavening and retaining moisture. I can go on and on about the fat's culinary wonder. LIGHTBULB! Mental note: make a new series about food science. (A deep deep passion of mine as well). So enough science talk and let us all enjoy this deliciously scientific dessert! I promise you that it will never cut your satisfaction short!

Classic Strawberry Shortcake

Joconde Sponge

90 grams powdered sugar

105 grams almond meal

150 grams whole eggs

30 grams plain flour

25 grams melted butter

90 grams egg whites

45 grams sugar

Bake @ 180 degrees Celsius for 20 minutes

Stabilised Whipped Cream

150 grams whipped cream

1 pc or 4 grams gelatin leaf (pork or vegetable based)

*remember to bloom your gelatin (soak in iced water)

Strawberry Jam

Fresh Strawberries

TRY THIS BLUEBERRY SHORTCAKE TOO!

In no forms short of hunger,

Rosey

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Fight with love!

Before another SUGAR SORCERY post, I thought I would again channel a few worrisome, rambling thoughts into gibberish words and send it once again, to my beloved, the always reliable, unyielding stars. And of course, share all these with you too. You with that beautiful face lit up by the screen. Hello there.

In all the dark, the bad and the ugly the world contains and breeds, a single lit match is all it takes to make a difference. To light your own and another's lost soul into a path toward brighter, greener pastures. I ran again into an ancient post by an equally ancient friend that, still with its petty, nonsensical content, it still hurt me. It is so easy to do it nowadays, hiding behind a computer monitor, typing away to damage someone indefinitely. It's not just the lies, the rampant defamation, but the feeling of deceit. That someone who you, despite it being a short time, have loved truly as a sister, would have hate in their heart towards you. My mother would say these kind of people are not worth your time, nor space in your thoughts. But the hurt I felt was real. Still. I have forgiven 5 years ago. And would never take it back. To fight hate with love will forever be the brighter and greener path.

To you, who have felt that weakening, piercing hurt from someone, by someone you love or a total wandering stranger, intentionally or not, physically or in any form. Love them. Love them harder. Love them unconditionally. The world really needs it. Now more than ever.

Always hungry for love,

Rosey

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Classic Orange Chiffon Cake (SUGAR SORCERY # 8)

This may be the equivalent of the classic Cinderella fairy tale in magical bakery folktale. In fact, one of my all time favorites.

The Chiffon Cake should be synonymous to the name Harry Baker. And do take note: ironically, he is not a baker, but an insurance salesman living in Los Angeles, California. There is a debate as to how or what has brought him to the land of the stars. Some say, it was the world's ignorant unfairness to homosexuality, particularly in his small hometown. Whatever the serendipitous reason was, we are thankful. It all began when he started moonlighting as a caterer, with the humble cake as his desiderata. He later on confessed that he has experimented with over 400 cake recipes, baking night after night, and never stopped until he has finally achieved cake perfection. It is as light as an angel food cake but in many ways moister and richer, hitting all elements of what a cake should be. By 1927, he started to venture out to Brown Derby restaurant, (the Cobb salad's birthplace), and sold his cakes as the place's only dessert option. Being an instant hit, he has continued to operate as a one-man-cake-making-machine, sending out 42 whole cakes a day, baking each and every sweet morsel to order. By 1947, 20 years later, Baker, the only living person knowing how to concoct the famous Chiffon Cake, has decided to sell his valuable secrets to General Mills (as to how much is still disclosed). Countless frustrated hearts attempted to reproduce his masterpiece, but no one ever came close. All I know is, none of them surely tried 400 times enough.

Orange Chiffon Cake

135 ml freshly squeezed orange juice

zest of 4 oranges

5 ml orange liquor

168 grams plain flour

11 grams baking powder

175 grams raw sugar

4 grams salt

3 egg yolks

4 egg whites

50 grams raw sugar

90 grams vegetable oil

bake at 180 degrees Celsius for 40-45 minutes

400 times hungrier,

Rosey

Monday, October 10, 2016

Leche Flan (Crème Caramel) (SUGAR SORCERY #7)

The egg is a magical ingredient. And so when the Ancient Romans has started the domestication of poultry, hence discovering the countless applications of eggs, came the birth of various egg preparations including a savoury dish, the "eel flan", with dessert custard version also in existence flavoured with honey and pepper. With Europe under their wing, their culture and traditions spread across the nation. The food being a significant part of it. Several versions of the original "flan" was translated into sweet and savoury dishes. Its ingredients ranging from, almonds and cinnamon to cheese and fish. It was enjoyed often during the Lent season as this is the period when meat is prohibited. The caramel element was added when the flan traditions reached France and to the rest of the hungry world.

Leche Flan (Crème caramel)

10 egg yolks

400 grams condensed milk

400g grams evaporated milk

150 grams sugar

(for caramel)

oven-proof moulds

foil

Steam for 30-35 minutes

**Let the flan completely cool before unmolding.

Hungry and eggy,

Rosey